


Accidental Treason

by Semebay



Series: The Toaster Who Shot Me [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Gift Giving, Toasters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 20:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1239802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semebay/pseuds/Semebay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The toaster was just supposed to be a gift. That's it. It wasn't supposed to have Maria Hill reconsidering her life choices (and maybe a change in occupation).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Accidental Treason

The toaster doesn’t mean anything.

Well, actually, it means _something_. It was supposed to be a thank-you gift for when Rogers finally consented to helping SHIELD for non-Avengers missions. It was supposed to be a symbol of unity, of teamwork.

And it was the first thing that came to mind when Maria decided to “sweeten the deal.” It was also the first thing advertised on Amazon.

"Is that-"

"A toaster," Maria finishes for him. "As thanks," she clarifies, and she expects him to shake his head and laugh. Hell, she expects him to stare at it suspiciously and shake it a few times before he opens the box and examines it for defects and stray weapons.

She doesn’t expect him to tear up and press his thumb and index finger against the bridge of his nose, or to choke up when he says, “Oh thank _god_.”

She tries to tell herself she should have considered this reaction, what with him living with Stark, and the whole group of them just being _weird_ , but she didn't. She has broken Captain America. Fury is going to kill her. Coulson is going to _maim_ her. It’s very possible she just committed treason.

Before she can say anything, the paper is torn open and the bow is placed gently on the computer monitor. “Oh thank god, it doesn’t talk,” Rogers sobs, “you have no idea how bad it’s been.”

She has _broken_ Captain America.

"The toaster refused to toast rye," Rogers says, as though his reaction to this toaster is at all normal, "so I tried to use the microwave, but _that just doesn’t work_. And now the toaster is jealous, and the microwave tried to eat my phone, and oh god, thank you so much.” He presses one hand on the top of the box and sniffs, and Maria is going to hell. Then he extends his other hand, and she slowly shakes it. “I appreciate this, you have no idea. Thank you, thank you,” he says, and he packs up the toaster and takes the bow back, and then he leaves her standing there.

She can still hear him sniffling in the hallway after he leaves.

_Going. To. Hell._


End file.
